I’m seeing stars… but thanks to Elon Musk, not for much longer | Stewart Lee

SpaceX’s 40,000 planets are about to be devastating our opinion of the universe- not to mention aliens’ view of us

My best New Year’s Eve was 15 year ago. A mis-calibrated dose of prescription sedatives in a bed and breakfast near Wootton Courtenay meant I slept through the whole thing. I slept through the horror. I slept through the dreaded. I slept through the recriminations and unhappiness. And I slept through Jools Holland insisting on playing inappropriate boogie-woogie piano with- who will it be this year?- Peter Brotzmann, Napalm Death, Youssou N’Dour, Mark and Roxanne from LadBaby, or the future festive specter of his own grinning self.

This New Year’s Eve I lay on my back in the garden-variety, long after midnight, belly full of Butty Bach( tm)( r) brew and mini Quorn( tm)( r) sausages, and looked at the stars. Do they have elections on those remote worlds, I wondered? Is there an alien Dominic Cummings, and if so, how would you know? Does the alien Sir Iain Duncan Smith eat his own mucus in public like our Earth Sir Iain, or does he simply eat crisps? On Alien Sir Iain’s world is crisp-eating considered disgusting, while finger-picked mucus is the cuisine of the Princesses of Mars? And is that the space Jennifer Arcuri dancing round the Pole Star? Remember her? Thought not.

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Read more: theguardian.com

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